Life Or Something Like It

Handonly

Now now don’t you stare at me like that, I have a multitude of excuses prepared for the rather dreadful delay in my posting rate.

Let’s start right off then shall we? I wrote another book. YES INDEED. In the time it took you to not read my début novel, I managed to create, publish and unpublish an entire new one. A far far far superior experience at that. In fact, I can now reveal “The Cult Of Wensday” was actually “practice” all along. The book I most recently wrote is one I’ve pined over for a decade, dismayed at lacking the ability to do it justice. TCoW’s creation is what allowed me to sharpen my skills enough to pull it off. Which is also why I went and made all digital versions of TCoW completely free a while back.

What’s this?! Another question? Why did I unpublish it? Simply put, I originally self-published, after receiving dozens of rejection letters. Perplexing still the rejection letters from publishers ALL commented on how well written it was, how “professional” it was, but none wanted to pick it up. In fact some were dickish enough to insist I think of marketing first and writing content second.

Then Bad Dream Entertainment came along, and one Saturday evening when I was once again putting off the hundreds of women who don’t want to sleep with me (I’ll remind you 30 is approaching, and it looks like I’ll hit that rather shameful milestone!) and that particular publisher ACTUALLY WANTED IT. So of course I signed on, signed away my rights and have spent the past few months editing it to make for a more refined experience. The changes have actually been rather tame, and surprisingly respectful of the original work. I’d say the only sour one is they’d prefer to use professional artwork for the cover (making my original print cover – and yes this exists physically in quite a few people’s hands – moot). Yet I’m oddly happy with that choice anyway, it means I can get someone truly talented at art to make a cover I never could.

That’s one of the reasons I decided to focus on writing actually. Indeed the constant suggestions by others I do it motivated me a fair deal, but I came to accept that I’m half the artist than the writer I am, and even further from what I eventually hope to be. My art never had control. I could not imagine a scene and draw it, I could draw it and then have to write around whatever I drew….a painful task. With writing, I see no walls at all.

Reeling from anything remotely close to arrogance or confidence I should remind you I suck, am going to die a virgin and recently got romantically rejected for the 34th time. It surprises me how often I still dive headfirst into “first dates” despite my 5% success rate, it doesn’t however surprise me that I’ve been counting, or that the number has reached that high by now.

Oh yes yes the book! It’s called “Usu” and you can find out more about it if you check the novels section in the projects section. I’d confess it was born from a secret hell I experienced a decade ago, so secret I made a page long post about it and advertised it all over the artwork section THAT NO ONE EVER VISITS. *ahem* The far more official release of the novel should be around April/May if my editor doesn’t murder me first. In the mean-time you COULD read my first book, but we both know the chances of that occurring.

Other than being rejected several times, writing a new book and another absolutely useless hospitilsation, little of note has actually occurred. I met another Swedish Modblogger (unfortunately male this time – not that I had a chance in hell with the lass), impressed him with my ability to get lost in small spaces, learned basic Slavic history and drank a coke in an English Pub like a fucking badass.

Interesting side facts! The hand (for the old cover and the post) is once again my own. I tried to get a girl to hand model for me on one of those rejection romps, but left to the dust once again I simply took a photo of my girly hands and that was that.

As I have a religious belief to not read any legal documentation before I sign it, I’m actually not sure what I can and can’t say about the novel at this point in time. To be safe I’ll simply say editing is going better than I expected and release is expected around the middle of the year yonder. Because reasons.

To pack as much useless content into this post as you’ve come to expect, allow me to once again unleash my mastery of bulletpoints!

 

  • Still a virgin
  • Women still very fond of the idea of bludgeoning me
  • Bathed
  • Scared off a sexual predator by being too nice to them
  • Got to chaperone a “Mafia Princess” for a day

 

That last point could use more explanation, like how it was supposed to be first date but ended up being me meeting this girl surrounded by 20 massive Arabic men discussing “business”, and then hanging out with her 13 year old brother who ran around a public mall naked shouting about the supposed existence of his genitals, but, but I won’t ramble on that topic. Instead, I’ll abruptly end this post when you suddenly start suspecting it.