The Tale of ARTISTBOY is not something you can take lightly, oh his rise to fame was not easy what with having to follow in the footsteps of other greats such as Maskboy™
, who while not possessing common powers such as “flight” “super strength” or “hygiene”, had the most awesome one of all. The power of privacy! (Cause he like…has a mask)

That’s right, ARTISTBOY (The caps are intentional; whenever you talk about ARTISTBOY you must make sure to use caps. If not you may suddenly realize what a silly name he has and spoil the whole bloody story) was not your ordinary superhero minus the super and hero bit, he was a stationary-warrior! Protecting boys, girls and those weird in-betweens alike! But his greatest challenge came one stormy night when ARTISTBOY received a collect call from his arch-nemesis, Lord Paint Thinner!!!!

Paint Thinner had captured ARTISTBOY’S love, Etcha-Sketch-Stacie! He knew what he needed to do if he was to stop LPT from shaking her up and down all night long, he needed to kick some ass and he’d let his limited edition pokemon stencil set do the talking.

Within a few short (opposed to tall) hours ARTISTBOY had arrived at LPT’s lair and mere moments before his love was going to have her “paint thinned” and knobby bits fiddled with , ARTISTBOY burst through the window!

LPT:”Avast! It’s ARTISTBOY!”

AB:”That’s WRITE Lord Paint Thinner! and I’m here to draw a…a….”

LPT:”Don’t SAY IT!!!!”

AB:”HIGHLY UNFLATTERING PICTURE OF YOU!!!!”

LPT:”NOOoOOoooOooO!!!”

AB:”Oh yeah, and then? I’m gonna post it on the INTERNET.”

Just as ARTISTBOY was to unleash his devastating plan to stop LPT he heard his love scream “ARTISTBOY……look out!”, so he went to the window and enjoyed the breeze for a bit and wondered why she wanted him to do this when suddenly he noticed Lord Paint Thinner’s Henchman sneaking up behind him!

SO FOUL….SO DREADFUL was this henchman’s name, It is painful for
most to say out loud………and can kill at the slightest mention of it! What
was it you foolishly ask? R-R *shudders* Roger….

Yes indeed, Lord Paint Thinner’s deadly Henchman “ROGER” (Oh it’s such
a horrible name) was about to slam a contemporary art magazine into
the back of ARTISTBOY’S head! But just in the nick (nice fellow that Nick) of time, ARTISTBOY dodged it’s flakey reviews and stuck up articles by moving so ever
slightly to the left! Because no one ever expects you to move ever so
slightly….to the left.

Roger then proceeded to trip over his own penis which made him feel
awfully silly and somewhat embarrassed for having his fly open. With a
heavy sigh he said “I knew I should have tucked it in my sock this
morning” and ran back to his room to have himself a good cry.

Sensing all was lost LPT jumped out the window screaming “You’ll never get me ARTISTBOY!!!!! NEVARRRR- O-Oh my, why that pavement certainly is getting a little clos-“

And so Lord Paint Thinner and his Henchman defeated, they beckoned off into the sunrise, and ARTISTBOY let out a happy sigh for he knew tonight…..he was finally going to have someone else “sharpen his pencil” for him.

Rambles are written by Basjohn on a biweekly-drunken-slur basis.
Ideas for future rambles can be sent to Rambles@roughtoiletpaper.com