Miss me? Course you did. After my narrow run in with the OrthoDOOMtist and then having to save Christmas, I’ve come to realize I’m a pretty popular guy. I mean why else would thousands of people be knocking on my door lately begging for me to sign stuff? Oh sure they all CLAIM it’s “FedEx” or “The debt collectors coming to take away my furniture” but I know it’s all just a clever ruse to get my autograph.

But it hasn’t always been easy being a suited up famous girl pulling (seriously, sometimes I have to pull pretty hard to get them to come along) superhero like me. Oh yes, there was a time when I too was young and innocent. Small…Feeble, just a boy of 30 years old, unbenounced to me were the cruel ways of the world when I finally left my parents attic. Oh boy was I happy that I didn’t have to pretend I was living upstate by calling them from inside the house while muffling my voice Anne Frank style any more.

The day I left was a glorious one. People left right but little bit off the center because that’s where I was and I hadn’t bathed for a couple of months. There was something strange about the people though. Children wore pumpkins and scars while old people wore furious fist shakes. Clearly…it was Halloween.

Now you’re probably wondering, ‘Rob you’re so sexy can I see you naked?’ but you should really stop straying from the story so enough of that.

Then…mere moments later, there was a massive explosion and out from the smouldering inferno stepped the first villain I would ever come to face in battle, ‘The Coffee Cup’. I was no stranger to cups of coffee. Nights upon nights upon somewhat darkish days of playing floor tennis against myself required the kind of addictive cell damaging nutrition and love only coffee could provide.

But this was different. This was some…some despicable mad man who in a horrid twist of fate/fashion had transformed himself into a human cup of steamy coffee! At that moment I damned him….damned him for smelling so delicious! So I screamed, roared and jumped at him. In retrospect a silent approach might have been better in that he couldn’t have smashed that rock in my face so easily.

Defeated? Of course not! No one ever dies in their own flashbacks! Riding on that mental wave (that in several years this would be a flash back and hence I couldn’t really lose now if I was going to be telling it as a flashback now could I?) I took the only option I could think of. I dove right into his coffesque core and began slurping up his insides. I could feel him weakening as I felt my stomach widening…and within a few moments…victory was mine.

Not sleeping for the next couple of years really was a small price to pay for stopping evil in it’s purest…freshly ground form.

Inspired by the awesomeness that is www.robpongi.com
Rambles are written by Basjohn on a biweekly-drunken-slur basis.
Ideas for future rambles can be sent to Basjohn[ATSIGNHERE]gmail.com