Signed, Sealed and Misdelivered
Every once and an incredibly long while I seem to be lucky enough to receive a foreign package. The first was about 2.5 years ago and contained holy crap amounts of candy, some of which I STILL have saved (I’m a sentimental bugger) in various vault-like constructs and a few other equally “yay-inducing” items.
The second was (early last year) when Taro was ridiculously awesome and mailed me the wacom I use for all my drawing, without which many of the things I’ve made recently and am planning on making would not be possible.
The third in this merry chain was a very very verrrrrry perverted t-shirt that not only can I not wear in public, but that I have to actively HIDE from parental viewing, least the sight of it cuts their lives any shorter.
Now I didn’t really expect there to ever be a fourth package anytime from well…anyone, however reality being the unpredictable bitch it is seems to have sorted that bit out rather effectively.
The fourth comes quite surprisingly from none other than Dustin (the guy who pays for the site every year) and his Mutual stalker. The contents? MORE AMERICAN CANDY!
The real gem however is that being the fancy-pants he is, Dustin did well to check which candies I had tried or even heard of before sending and thus assembled a new, untasted and mighty cast that all vaguely sound like popular drugs from the 70’s.
Now as for which ones Basjohn approves of and doesn’t, I can clearly say the “whoppers” are made of win. Perhaps somewhat teeth hurting win but my teeth tend to hurt when I eat ANYTHING (except children) so that isn’t really much of a negative.
Conversely Atomic Fireballs appear to be made of Basjohn-hating-explosions as I’ve recently developed a high sensitivity to spicy foods of all kinds, so much so that I find myself BLEEDING from even the mild varieties. On the plus side that taste of blood does mild down the flavour quite well.
The egg shaped twin creatures seemed to counter my attempts to eat them by ejecting some sort of….goo. Fortunately with my years of training against such alien attacks (by studying the Portuguese version of E.T.) I was able to nullify the goo with my internal stomach acids and I emerged victorious!
The indecisively titled “Now and later” appears to be the HARDEST KNOWN SUBSTENCE ON EARTH. I spent about 5 minutes chewing ONE of them…or perhaps it was 1 minute chewing and 4 crying hysterically….I’m not really sure. Flavour wise they’re grand (depending on which one of the many flavours you have that is) but the chewing ordeal has made me hiss wildly every time I accidentally spot them……given time (and counselling) however I am confident I will devour the rest.
Sugar Daddy’s (as they are rather pimptacularly named) were an interesting experiment. At first I challenged the caramel beast head on and several minutes (and a few pairs of pliers to remove the FUSED residue from my teeth) later I learned the error of ways. Then my mind had an odd thought, wouldn’t this get nice and soft if it was warm? What makes things warm fast? Unfortunately due to that thought I now no longer have a functioning microwave….or kitchen for that matter…..as APPARENTLY wood burns.
That’s not quite all of them reviewed, but only because I’m yet to work up the courage to try the remaining glucose offspring fearing what other things in my home I may set ablaze or teeth I may shatter in the process.
As a bit of a side note though, it may interest some of you (unlike the rest of this entry about an African boy EATING stuff, I mean it feels like I may be delivering the entertainment equivalent of READING the food channel.), and partially explain my utter self destruction depicted above, that we don’t actually have “Candy” here.
Africa basically has “Chocolate”. Light, Dark, Really Dark and the classic beenleftonthefloortoolong flavours abound…….but Candy? Candy in all it’s strange shiny glorious teeth shattering forms? IT EXISTS NOT!
Of course we’ve got a few alternative things like Jawbreakers (which have always seemed to me like a great way to get kids an early head start into masochism), Jelly babies and the like, but nothing that quite resembles the shining bastion of strange (and delicious) assortments I received.
P.S.
It appears I do ALOT of artwork that never sees the light of day (because it’s crap) and will likely never be finished or taken further by me, considering the artistically depressing implications of this I decided to open up a new rough works section of the site. Those bored souls willing to give them a looksee can find the section under MISC -> Gallery –> Rough work.