Before anything else I have to be honest with you….this post has very little to do with Caucasians. I just sort of said that to try and get you interested…a….a lie to help me fit in you see…and now that I think back on it….I’m….I’m so sorry……but not nearly sorry enough to hit the backspace key and think of a better title.

We can however merrily jump along the jumpables to the “complications” bit. As we all remember from our last episode I recently underwent nasal surgery and while that was already quite a lovely experience what with all the bleeding everywhere and inability to breathe (which somewhat defeats the original purpose of the surgery if you ask me) it appears things were only about to get better.

Turns out the reason I still couldn’t breathe through my nose was a fairly large POOL OF BLOOD had made it’s bulging home on the inside of my nose, so my doctor decides “WE MUST OPERATE!” and assures me I’ll feel perfectly fine afterwards.

Perfectly fine’s definition has recently been updated to show an image of a man having his genitals shot through with a compound bow. So yes, in those new updated terms I certainly do feel “perfectly fine”.

Apparently there was some complication after the surgery to correct my complication and thus things have become rather….complicated.

BUT FEAR NOT! In a wonderful moment of ‘not knowing what the hell is wrong with me’ my doctor prescribed just about every medication he was licensed for and amazingly it seems to be working. So for now it appears as if BASJOHN LIVES…..albeit in a halfdeadstilloccasionallybleedingonthingshighlymedicatedandgrammarignoring state.

While it is a common belief (or at least should be) that life itself was an inexplicably flung booger from the universe’s core that never really got as far away as anyone might have liked, a slightly less common belief is that the entire universe….revolves around your nose.

I recently came into this belief as my entire universe was shattered by something rather universe shattering….say getting 5inch long plugs up your nostrils and bleeding more than that time I tried a  (short) career move as a self eating vampire.

But let’s explain things a little more. See Basjohn (that being I as we all so unlovinginly know) has had nasal issues since he was about 8 years old. Plaguing him with constant nose blows, throat clears, head aches and a bloody lot of people asking “You sure you don’t have a cold?!?” almost every single day.

Step forward a few years and after a lot a silly nonsense involving different doctors we come to last week, whenby my noses internal workings were butchered and hence corrected. Of course like with most things it has to get worse before it gets better or at least that’s what they’re telling me in my highly medicated state.

To inspire some jealousy here’s a list of my recent activities after surgery.

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Fun things to do as Basjohn after surgery PART VIIIX+4(squared)

1) Vomit/Sneeze pools of blood and pretend the red splotches make pictures thus giving yourself a psuedo inkblot test.
2) Learn to breath entirely through your mouth and make fun of “losers” who use their noses for breathing.
3) Discover just how many pennies one can actually fit up there.
4) Admire foods for their texture and not their (now non-existant) flavour. (I always feared the day when ice cream and cow manuer lost their beautiful differences would come)

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So just WHEN can we expect updates again you ask? Well apparently I’m going to start feeling alot better next week which means I’ll have the energy to come up with another, better, more long-term excuse for not providing updates regularly.