Week after week I divulge tidbits about my ever growing strangeness to a public of well trained highly experimental internet hamsters, and this week shall be no different.

And yes. I know your secret.

You furry bastards you.

This time around I’m going to get to where the getting gets good, or at least somewhat gettable. That is, my amazing ability to be sick. It all started when I was but a wee lad, less than a year old I’d turn blue at parties as a trick or….’party trick’ if you would. It didn’t really go over so well with my mother or the hoards of doctors screaming “LIIIIIIVE YOU LITTLE BLUE BASTARD! LIIIIIIVE!” but it was definitely a start. Fast forward a few years and not only do I apparently have the worlds tiniest hernia in my stomach (tourist season for that really sucks you know) but I also have a god awful case of irritable bowel syndrome more commonly known as…..the shits.

Long time readers know of my common tum-tum-to-bum-bum issues quite well even going back to a wonderful saga of me in hospital and writing an ode to my IV entitled “IV and Me”. Why bring it up now you ask? Because this week I have been sicker than a visit to a ‘certain site’ with goatse in its name. In these 7 days alone I have had diahreeah, constipation, flu, and a terribly itchy foot.

I seem to be moderately okay today but one has to wonder…..what could be the reasoning behind my recent dwindle into sicklyness? I’ve ruled out everything other than my dog pellet addiction but if anyone tells me that’s the cause I’ll pee on their carpet and prove that eating 3 boxes of “Kibble-Nibbles” a day makes me perfectly normal ONCE AND FOR ALL!

News.
You want news don’t you? Or at least something more informative than my last 2 posts, which illustrated the unique splendor of a dogs naughty bits and a war against the sun. Unfortunately a combination of the 2 only results in a very unhappy dog.

So let’s start things off on a good note. I ended up quitting my current job due to yet another boss related dispute. This time it was due to the jackass (though I do not recommend storing a jack in your bottom region, this seems common place in most workforces nowadays.) treating employees like slaves, screaming at me for not doing work when he actually hadn’t given me anything to do and the final straw in our proverbial milkshake was when I caught him “secretly” going through my private belongings because he probably suspected me of stealing.

As for my current plans, I’m not going to immediately look for another job but instead FINALLY focus on getting my Microsoft (yes I know, evil evil hisss) qualifications done and over with.

This means sweaty….long……tearful…..endless…..minutes of studying! The horror of the concept is still vibrating throughout my relatively small skull. Will I survive? Pass….fail…..only time and immense amounts of anti-depressants will tell.

This week I have taken my war against the sun to the next level.

Don’t mess with my mighty butter knife sun….cause I’ll spread you like…like a umm…a spreadable….thingie…..

This is why me having any sort of drawing ability is a danger to society at large.