So here we are once again. You….me…..just the 2 of us (the ruining point of the joke is that’s about as many readers as I have) alone. I type words….you read them and in doing so we make beautiful binary magic together.

I don’t get out much.

Which brings me to point 2, or point 1, I wasn’t really paying any attention to if I had a point in the first place. Point 2 is I am orchestrating an uprising, no not in my pants (that happens daily anyway) but in a far more useful (and somewhat less messy) way. I plan….to destroy the sun.

Why? Because it seems global warming has decided to kick my little African billiard in the balls and make temperatures the hottest they’ve been since I was undigested upon this soggy earth. This wouldn’t be all too awful if I could just stay in my little air-conditioned hobbit hole till winter as I usually do, but alas I have to make money for my eventual exodus from here…..and that means I have to work. Again it wouldn’t be too bad…..if my job wasn’t at a warehouse/retail outlet with NO AIRCONDITIONING AT ALL AND A SUNROOF. In fact it’s safe to say it’s HOTTER inside than outside. Things are so bad I’ve caught glimpses of my sweat fanning itself.

Oh SUUUUURE people say “But Basjohn! If you blow up the sun we’ll all die from a second ice age!” but those people are blinded by “common sense” and “logic” whereas I am immune to all things remotely intelligent.

Look out sun, I’ve got a….umm….a something dangerous with your name on it! …..But even though your name’s on it , it doesn’t belong to you okay? It’s just a figure of speech Mr. Smartass-Sun. If I catch you stealing my dangerous thing just cause your name’s on it I’ll kick your ass.

And so upon this day of days….this hour of hours this minute of waiting for my naughty downloads to finish so I can yet again prove I have no social life, I stand before you all and announce the coming of a new era! An Era where all toilet paper is 1 ply! An Era where men are real men , women are real women and hermaphrodites are real hermaphrodites! An Era……..of my sexy new Wacom.

BEHOLD!

Now I must explain a little about why this particular wacom is so awesome. Not only is it larger than my last one, but it’s a designer model while my last was a sort of “hobbyist” model. The degree of accuracy I’ve already been able to achieve while experimenting has been nothing short of ass-tingling.

Anyway, this means WAAAAY more updates again, at least until the hosting runs out in June and I curse you all (Minus Taro of course, who my eternal gratefulness goes out to for supplying ze wacom) for not donating a cent during my previous beggetry.

Below you can witness the awesome mantie laced packaging it came sealed in.

I have come to an amazing revelation during the week of donation beggetry. I suck so bad no one wants to donate a single dollar.

BUT FEAR NOT my mortal munchkins! Counteracting my immense talent at lacking talent is my friendly neighbourhood Taro! In all his (possibly bad) judgement he decided to buy me new (super-advanced non-shitty model at that) wacom and has already shipped it (with accompanying manties) on it’s way! It’s arrival should be swift…it’s arrival should be glorious, it’s arrival should be umm….arrivaly….

What does this mean for us all? It means more crap than ever before…..more crap than any bowel was ever meant to hold. A sort of…artistic diarrhea if you will.

Dare I say this is a situation even more awesome than waffles.

And so at last it is my pleasure (and not the carpet messing kind I’m sad to inform you) to announce I have finally concocted a CUNNING plan (with added CUNNING spice) for new wacomage and hence this site’s return from utter crapalation!

The plan you ask?

I’m going to beg.

A lot.

HOWEVER! Since I know all you rich people are far too busy being rich to actually mail me the wacom as I initially hoped I have enlisted the aid of the very guy who donated the bandwidth for this site to me in the first place. Elessar has agreed to use his paypal account to receive donations (paypal doesn’t work here in SA) and then buy the wacom for me and mail it afterwards. I’ll explain how the money will be (ab)used after the obligatory posting of the donation link. I would have done the trademark paypal button but it seems to scream “PISS OFF” everytime I try entering it into wordpress so instead you’ll all have to click:

Okay so I need AT LEAST $99 for the crappest wacom available at the moment and $199 for the second crappest. Unless there’s a huuuge influx of money (and I while I hope, I don’t delude myself that there will be) the plan will sit at $99 as the initial goal and everything beyond that will be used to pay for the SERVER/DOMAIN FEES for this past year and hopefully another.

Oh and I almost forgot the begging;

PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-pPpPpPPPLEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DONATE!

Woo for complete lack of self respect and pride!