Last week I left you all trapped in a well of fearful anticipation after announcing my latest in a long series of crippling wet dream injuries. Now in part umm..part next, I shall reveal to you the results of my strenuous rehabilitation.

I lay there on my bed for hours, comforted only by the uhh…the sweet smell of my bottom BUT I DID NOT GIVE UP! In a manly wail of embarrassment I summoned my parents and several well placed laughs and hurtful comments later I was free!

Immediately leaping to my feet I charged forth to my pootar as I do every morning only to discover the screen was shifted sideways or perhaps…..it was my head that was sideways!!!!!

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN (Okay, you people are going to have to work with me here and pretend that was a really cool sound effect)

Still…I did what I must…I updated this site that all (3) of you enjoy so very much…for even in pain I strive to spread crappy humor across the sandwich of life.

After that I slowly recovered. Night after night I would turn my neck to a slightly more human angle and then….with a forceful click, peace was restored.

It’s been some time since that day….and I still wake up at night screaming….. partially because of me being “behind on things” but mostly because I had an unexpected phone call from Gorman and Chad the other day where they tempted me with fake promises of plane tickets and errrrr Gorman’s “undying yearning” for me.

I awoke this morning with an unusual feeling of warmth, that feeling was mostly because my head was closer to my ass than it should ever, ever, ever be.

I don’t think I need to mention that I’ve got a sprained neck, nor how embarrassing this injury is to explain.

I’m going to go cry now.

There comes a time in every geek’s existance that he comes to the startling conclusion that he requires a life. Most of us give up when radioshack won’t take our order for one, but this is Basjohn we’re talking about and he doesn’t know the meaning of restraining orde- I mean give up.

Much like Dr. Frankenstein, I first attempted acquiring said life by piecing together a human, however I soon discovered that I was far too preoccupied with the naughty bits to actually get anywhere.

My second attempt was simple. I broke free from my geeky inhibitions, ran out into the street stark naked, and in a liberating fit of pain got assaulted by 3 old women and a really big 8 year old (seriously, had a beard and everything) with a tricycle.

Clearly I’ve had some difficulties but NO LONGER! Because this time…this time I have a plan far superior to even playing with dead genitalia. Would you like to hear that plan? Well then you’d best read these next few lines out loud.

I’m going….to open a window.

Oh it’s horrible I know…but it must be done! My 1 open window life style hasn’t been working out quite as I planned so I’ve been forced to take things to the extreme. 2 windows people. 2 WHOLE windows. I’m not even going to start off by cracking the second one open little by little, cause I’m Basjohn, and I’m a livelifeontheedgebadass like that.

There are risks involved. I could catch all manner of diseases (i.e. herpes from a sexually active dust spore) or worse yet….bad taste from the music my neighbors play. BUT I’m not just doing this for you people…I’m doing it for…well I don’t really know what I’m doing it for anymore but whatever it is I’m sure it’s gonna be damn proud!

It has come to my attention that you people have been getting far too many entertaining life entries. That stops now.

There shall be no more jokes about my lifetime virginal status. No more mockeries of imaginary fans, no more god awful puns, there shall only be serious discussion of my inner most thoughts and feelings.

That’s right people. Serious stuff. Serious stuff like politics, war and which number’s have the most attractive holes in them. See you’d think 0 wouldn’t you? But in reality 8 is much more firm and you get a two for one barg- oh god I was doing it again wasn’t I?

Okay fine fine you people win this round…..BUT IT’S NOT OVER!!! Oh I’ll win the battle against my own ever growing dementia one day…and when I do??? Then I’ll show you. I’ll show you all that I can be serious, just like how I showed my friends that time I went to bed without my blankie.

Impressive stuff I know but this is something even bigger….and Who knows if I’m capable of it or not…but Who’s a silent bastard and doesn’t do much talking…so all we can do for now…..is wait…

No, I don’t really know where I’m going with that title either but speaking of 3; Throughout the centuries man has come to associate 3 with power, wealth and triangles.

Mostly Triangles.

But honestly, we’re not here to talk about the number 3. We’re here to talk about me because, just like how the blogging world is that wonderful one where everyone just assumes everyone else gives a flying faucet about them and what “amazing” new thing their cat just did, I’m going to pretend you all care whether I’m dead or alive.

So what’s new in the realm of Basjohnity? Well remember my parent’s video store? It’s been shut down.

I can hear your screams of “TEHHH NOSE!” from here and they’re justified. The landlord decided to kick us out even though we had a buyer for the store, cause he’s a jolly good fellow like that. More “good news” is henceforth we now have no steady source of income (of course I’m moving to the states as soon as I’m able) which means my Dad’s going to be doing lots of repair work on a ‘Hope enough shit breaks’ basis, and thus far? Enough shit has indeed broken.

Fear not though loyal readerpersons!

Basjohn is still very much in the land of the living (albeit at times depressed and lonely enough to make his dog give him worrying looks) and shall be so for a long time to cometh.